Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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