I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
