captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
