all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
