My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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