So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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