sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
