i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
