Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
