So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
