I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
