i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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