i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
