??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
