omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
