im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
