I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
