He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
