Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
