Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
