Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
