2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
