My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
