You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
