She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
