1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So vagazzling was a success
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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