return my video game
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
