Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
