Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
