Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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