Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
