I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
