you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
