i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
