her facebook's as public as her vagina
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
