youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
