Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
