just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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