God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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