last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it glows. i had to have it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
