My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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