You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
