If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
