careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
