I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
