If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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