My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
