peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
