The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
