Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
